Happy St. Whacking Day

Ahh St. Patrick’s Day. The wonderful day that we solute our Irish brothers by drinking green beer and pissing in the streets. Upon finding out that today was in fact St. Patrick’s Day I did some investigating into how Irish this holiday really is? Oh and please don’t yell and scream at me about what I have written as this is purely and opinionated article.

The Folk Lore tale of the Great Saint Patrick.

Saint Patrick was born in Britain to a wealthy family. His father was a Christian deacon and it is suggested his focus was more on tax incentives rather than religious belief. Interestingly enough, there is no evidence that supports Saint Patrick coming from a religious family. At the age of sixteen, Patrick was taken prisoner by a bunch of scary, immoral, ruthless "Irish raiders" who were attacking his family estate. Patrick was taken back to Ireland where he spent six years in captivity. Lucky for the Saint, as the Irish were kind enough to give him work in the field he loves. Saint Patrick's was assigned "shepherd" and he we worked outdoors away from people. Lone and afraid Saint Patrick turned to his religion for solace, asking it questions, or just playing around in the field some days with it, allowed the man to remain sane. He quickly became a devout Christian. As a devout Christian St. Patrick spent most of his days carving up different ways to save his captors souls by converting them to Christianity. This would turn them away from the Dark side of Paganism.

After more than six years as a prisoner, Patrick escaped. According to the Saints scripture a voice, he believed to be gods, spoke to him and instructed him it was time to leave Ireland. Which is very close to my life changing experience: in which god spoke to me, one morning and instructed me it was time to finish eating my bagel. When Patrick got back to his safe welcoming Britain another revelation occurred. An angel came down from the heavens to talk to Patrick. She instructed him to return to Ireland as a missionary. After obtaining 15 years of heavy religious training and his ordination as a priest he is sent to Ireland to minister to Christians already living in Ireland and to convert the Irish brutes. Its very interesting to note that this tale completely contradicts the very notion that St. Patrick brought Christianity to Ireland. Saint Patrick truly honored the Irish through paying tribute to their old primitive beliefs, Patrick cleverly harmonized everything by putting a circle around the center of the cross which represents a very powerful Irish symbol-the sun. The legendary Saint Patrick became one with the forces of nature on March 17 460A.D.

The Legend of Saint Patrick Chasing The Snakes Out Of Ireland
It is said that Saint Patrick stood on a hilltop now called "Croagh Patrick" and with a wooden stick fought a brave-heart like battle of epic proportions... thus abolishing all snakes from Ireland. It just so happens that the island nation never supported snake life. When they said snakes what they really meant was pagan ideology from Ireland because 200 years after Patrick’s arrival Ireland was fully Christianized.

The Leprechauns role in St. Patrick’s Day

The original Irish name for these folklore creatures is "lobarcin" meaning "small bodied fellows"
The belief in Leprechauns stems from old Celtic belief in fairies: tiny men and women that could use their magical powers to serve good or evil. Based on the old folktales Leprechauns were always cranky and fucking pissed off. They were also tricky devious bastards, which was an asset in the field of "protecting me treasure and gold". Leprechauns have absolutely nothing to do with Saint Patrick or the celebration of "St. Patrick’s day" a Catholic holy day. IN 1959 Walt Disney introduced America to a kind friendly Leprechaun in the film "Darby O Gill and the little people" a nice kind Leprechaun is purely an American invention that was quickly used to sell cereal and to pay tribute to their Irish brothers.

I’m amazed to this day that people have disciplined their selves enough to continue celebrating holidays thousands of years old. Our idea of what we are celebrating and what we are actually celebrating has always brought a smile to my face. For instance the idea of dressing up as a jolly Caucasian old man in red pajamas, stuffing your kids socks with gifts as you fool your children into believing in some weird psychotic man in a magical airborne slay, is the proper way to celebrate Christ’s mass. I also love the idea of dressing up as a bunny and leaving eggs throughout your house for your children to find believing that a gigantic, mutant-freak rabbit left them there for the sole purposes of their scavenger hunt. There is no better way to honor a man that died for your sins. Today I enjoyed finding out that a holiday in which we drink green beer is celebrating the American influence on Irish tradition and our perception of the true Irish.

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